Platinum
by VSSAKJ
Summary: -COMPLETE- No one ever expected it to happen. No one saw it coming. But it did, and Shuichi's never going to be the same.


_(A/N: Written for 100situations on LJ. Please recall that I write in English while the character thinks/speaks in Japanese -- there's a reference within that doesn't work without remembering that. Language warning.)_

Shuichi bleached his hair. Platinum fucking blonde.

Yeah, I know. I was shocked too. It… didn't seem like something he'd ever do. He was so attached to his hair as it was, that ridiculously messy look emulating Sakuma Ryuichi. He may adore all of Nittle Grasper, but he's always been way too caught up with the lead singer to try and look like Seguchi Tohma.

Even knowing the man hasn't demoted him in status as far as Shuichi's concerned. Sakuma-san, I mean. He might be just a _man_, but that doesn't make him any less of a hero in Shuichi's mind. … I think he really needs a hero right now.

A bit ironic, when I think about it, that my name sounds like that word in English. 'Hiro', he always calls me. I'm just his best friend though – don't tell me I'm downplaying myself, it's true. A best friend is important, but they're just…

Y'know, Yuki Eiri died. Didn't mention that yet, did I?

I'm not really sure why I'm sitting here saying all this. I probably shouldn't be – some of them are too much of opinions, and some are just too close to home. Is it like I'm telling secrets? I've always been trustworthy, damned if I change it now. But… Shuichi's so broken up. And it isn't that he tries not to show it, it's that he doesn't really _realise_ how bad it is. I mean… he kind of clings to me now. I don't mind it at all – I was always the one he could turn to when he needed someone – but I can't be Yuki-san's replacement for him.

I've got the feeling that sometime soon, he's going to ask too much from me. It's just been hugs and letting him sleep on my shoulder for now, but he's going to keep _needing_ and I just can't give that. I'm the best friend. I love him, God you know I do, but I can't _do _that. He'd regret it. Terribly.

I think he might end up regretting everything, though, and that's just a scary thought. We're doing all right, really. Bad Luck, I mean. Fujisaki hasn't left us yet, for all the threatening he's done, and we've got fans coming out our ears. Shuichi doesn't really care right now. He's finally got what he's always wanted – since I first met him, _ages_ ago, that's all he's ever wanted – and it doesn't matter anymore?

I feel like I should hate Yuki-san for taking that away from him. Not that it was his fault or he really meant to, but I want to put the blame somewhere. Shuichi's light's gone out. He's not really himself anymore. He was… more himself when he first met Yuki. The obsession, and flinging himself in headfirst regardless of the consequences – that's Shuichi.

Damn I'm selfish, and it isn't even for my sake. Shuichi was so fucking _happy_ with Yuki-san, and here I am wishing it hadn't happened so Shuichi could realise that his dream – our dream – actually came true. But I'm not sure how to show him that, how to point it out. It doesn't seem like something he'd want to see or hear right now.

… Well, nothing does, to tell you the truth. He didn't come in for a week after it happened – Seguchi-san knew, but he didn't tell us. He just told us not to worry about Shuichi's not showing up, granted the whole group a no-work session until our singer came back to us. We usually went in anyway, since we all figured Shuichi would show up at the studio before anywhere else.

I should have worried more. I really, really should have. I tried to call him after two or three days, and he didn't answer. Tried every day after that and still got nothing. I _know_ what he's like and I should have seen what his disappearance was implying. I should have figured that _something _was wrong. I… don't know what I was thinking. Don't know what I assumed. It was stupid, whatever it was.

And then he dragged himself in on a Monday, looking like death and with his hair white as god-damned snow. And he just said two words, before going to the mike. Two words, but I'll bet anything they hurt him more than anything he's ever said before: "Yuki's dead."

I think we were all sort of shell-shocked – especially Sakano-san, because I assume he figured that Seguchi-san knew but didn't tell him. It was silent in there, and Shuichi just stood at the mike, silent. His voice wasn't right anyway – it sounded like he'd been crying all week.

I'm such a bastard of a friend. He probably did cry all fucking week, wandering through that huge apartment and finding all those little things that reminded him of Yuki-san and how he was _gone_ and wouldn't ever come back, and I did _jack shit_. How can I call myself his best friend now? I should have gone to see him, to make sure he was okay. The last time we didn't talk to each other for more than a week? Shuichi had laryngitis.

I know I couldn't have done anything about Yuki-san actually dying. That's just… he had to have known it was coming. I don't think anything ever hit that man unprepared, except maybe Shuichi. I don't imagine he died from something… outside forces, you know? He didn't often go out and even more rarely let people in. And he's not exactly the type you smack on the back of the head and call it a day. That night when… when that fucking Aizawa _did that_ to Shuichi and I went to tell off Yuki-san because it was as much his fault as it was that jealous bastard's… Yuki-san just gave off vibes. Scary ones. He'd kill you before you could kill him.

Unless you couldn't fight whatever it was. And in that case, I think he'd keep his mouth shut and put on his face and be the same bastard as always. … I think I should have noticed when Shuichi started mentioning that Yuki-san was being nicer to him more often. I think I should have fucking noticed a lot more, but I didn't. I didn't, and that's what bugs me the most. I could have been there. I could have been the best friend I pretend to be.

Damn it. I'm sorry, Shuichi.


End file.
